Day One

Well, here I am ... yet again. I have done this before. I am doing it again.

What makes this different? What makes this "the" one? I rightfully don't know.

I want to say it will be successful, but it seems that every time I say that, I end up here. All over again.

Yet ... this time ... I don't know.

This time it seems like there IS something different. Something there.

Times before, I have told myself that it is just me for it. Well this time, the whole family comes along for the ride. This time, the whole family will be eating what I prepare for them. This time, we won't buy 3 boxes of Little Debbies when we go to the store. We might buy one, but only one that the kids like.

This time, it will be healthy snacking because, let's face it, I'm a snackaholic.

I am done with feeling like the standout in a situation. As I sat with some friends at lunch yesterday, I looked over at one plate and she was eating two coney dogs. She justified herself by saying she was also feeding a baby, too (nursing). And that she's always been a big eater.

If I had sat down at that table with two coneys (not that I would have, mind you but if), what would have been the perception? I think I know what people would have thought, and some of it wouldn't have been charitable. Not out of malice, but just out of sheer human nature response.

And I have those same responses. I sat at the pool yesterday (in my bathing suit) and was thinking "I'm not as large as her" and "do I look like THAT?" My husband and I were comparing myself to another woman there (someone I know), and were trying to guess her weight. His guess was over 300 and I sat there, wondering if someone was also sitting at that same pool trying to guess my weight.

So all of this is about how self-conscious I really am. I am. I am the first to admit it.

So this is my journey with Weight Watchers. I started the program yesterday, have had my breakfast and journaled it already. It is my intention to have a daily entry (at least one ... it might be more than one) to write down my feelings, my obervations. To record what worked (and what didn't) as I move on this process.

I have set my goal at losing 100 pounds. It is a large goal. It is the ultimate goal. But right now, I am shooting for 5 percent of my weight as my first obtainable goal. I won't divulge what that is right now ... but I think you can guess that I am well overweight, and it will be remedied.

So this is it. My Journey. Hope you enjoy coming with me on it.